It's Giving Podcast 47:44 - Do Women Truly Want Men to Lead? Commentary | @TheSaucyMartian
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It's Giving Podcast - Do Women Truly Want Men to Lead? Commentary (47:44)
Is The Conversation About Roles Patronizing? Or The Start Of A Bigger Conversation?
Recently, I watched a powerful video by Sarah Fontenot on YouTube discussing relationship dynamics and roles, which got me thinking. Initially, I came across Sarah’s content through a friend's social media post and sought out the full YouTube video because the Facebook format was difficult to embed on my blog. What resonated most was Sarah's perspective on femininity and relationships, particularly her assertion that feminine energy is in line with "overreacting." While she made many good points, this particular viewpoint challenged me to reflect deeply. Discussing concerns respectfully with a significant other should not be automatically categorized as overreacting. I respect her candid approach and willingness to spark conversations around sensitive topics, even though I don't agree entirely with every perspective she offers. After reading several comments and replaying the video, I felt compelled to share my perspective.
While I clearly see Sarah's point, she's definitely speaking from an ideal scenario—almost perfect. Video below... starting point 47:44 - do women truly want men to lead?
Consistency is Key to Trust
Consistency doesn't mean perfection; it means reliably showing up for your partner. Consistent behaviors allow a foundation of trust to be built, creating an environment where partners feel emotionally secure and safe enough to address challenges constructively. When a partner, especially a man, consistently demonstrates care, reliability, and commitment, it naturally fosters grace, patience, and understanding from his significant other during inevitable mistakes or misunderstandings. Men rarely execute everything perfectly without gentle reminders along the way. If you're a man reading this who feels that this does not describe you, then (if that is an honest assessment) congratulations on being a rarity in the pool of many. Understand that your consistency helps eliminate insecurity and emotional anxiety, reinforcing stability and mutual respect in your relationship. You are an exceptional man who manages consistency effortlessly—but you are by no means the norm. Unfortunately, this inconsistency creates stress and uncertainty for women who consistently strive to be great partners, yet often receive far less in return.
Men and Women: Beyond Traditional Roles
More often than not, men prioritize their own goals, which may indirectly benefit their significant others. However, true partnership moves beyond this scenario, emphasizing mutual goals and collaborative growth. Approaching these dynamics with sensitivity, openness, and mutual respect is a start in the right direction for building a strong foundation to a solid relationship.
Prioritize mutual goals and individual dreams equally.
Create safe spaces for women to articulate their emotional needs without fear of being misunderstood.
Foster flexibility and adaptability within relationship roles, enhancing resilience.
Offer proactive support to your partner’s aspirations and personal growth.
Promote understanding and respect alongside flexibility in evolving roles.
Acknowledge that relationship roles must naturally evolve as life progresses.
Provide consistent mutual encouragement and validation regardless of gender expectations.
Maintain open, empathetic communication, ensuring both voices are heard and valued equally.
Emotional Maturity Isn’t Gender-Specific
Consider a scenario where a man consistently bottles up his emotions to appear strong, eventually exploding in anger or frustration at minor issues. Conversely, a woman might openly communicate her feelings calmly and constructively, yet be unfairly labeled as overly emotional. Both behaviors indicate the presence (the latter) or lack (the former) of emotional maturity, regardless of gender. Emotional maturity involves understanding and managing feelings constructively and compassionately.
Cultivate clear and constructive emotional expression.
Encourage men to embrace emotional vulnerability and articulate feelings openly.
Validate women’s emotional expressions as authentic rather than overly sensitive.
Develop the capacity to remain emotionally balanced and composed during conflicts.
Acknowledge that openly expressed emotions strengthen intimacy and trust.
Promote the ongoing practice of emotional intelligence for both genders.
Recognize emotional growth as a continuous, lifelong journey.
Validate each partner's emotions regularly to enhance relational intimacy and trust.
Healthy Compromise Makes Love Flourish
Healthy compromise in relationships is like a graceful dance—partners move together in harmony, each respecting the other's steps and rhythms. It’s not about losing yourself but rather embracing opportunities to align your individual paths. It is a creative art, allowing couples to weave their unique needs and perspectives into a unified tapestry. When compromise becomes second nature, it fosters emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and profound connection. On the other hand, refusing to compromise can turn relationships into a constant tug-of-war, fueled by stubbornness or insecurity. Successful couples understand that empathetic compromise strengthens bonds and leads to lasting love.
Recognize that compromise is essential for mutual satisfaction.
Approach compromise with empathy, genuinely considering your partner's perspective.
Be willing to adapt solutions as circumstances and dynamics change.
Use compromise as an opportunity to deepen trust and connection.
Understand compromise as a sign of strength, not weakness.
Foster open dialogue to identify and understand each partner's priorities.
View compromise as a mutual investment in the relationship’s longevity.
Regularly reflect and adjust agreements to ensure fairness and harmony.
Building Unity Through True Partnership
True partnership thrives when couples consistently view their relationship as a unified team effort. It involves blending individual strengths and openly addressing weaknesses, creating a supportive and cohesive bond. Successful couples frequently highlight the power of shared experiences in overcoming life's obstacles, emphasizing the importance of collective resilience. Rather than competing against each other, partners who prioritize unity naturally cultivate mutual respect and appreciation. By regularly affirming their shared values, couples maintain a clear and aligned vision for their future together. In short, true unity emerges from intentional teamwork, deep respect, and committed partnership.
Celebrate each other’s unique talents and actively support each other's growth.
Approach challenges as opportunities to strengthen your bond.
Prioritize mutual respect and appreciation as foundational relationship pillars.
Regularly reaffirm your shared vision, goals, and values.
Communicate openly and consistently to ensure alignment.
Encourage joint decision-making, ensuring both perspectives are equally valued.
Actively engage in experiences that foster mutual understanding and connection.
Foster an environment where teamwork and collaboration are prioritized and celebrated.
My Original Facebook Response (now you see why I created the post) :
I looked at several comments and watched this twice. I see her point but she is also speaking from a PERFECT SCENARIO.
Yes, if a man is CONSISTENT, then when there is a hiccup it doesn't mean it isn't discussed, but there is a better understanding and a whole lot more GRACE present in the reaction of their woman.
Men are rarely perfect in their execution without women having to remind them of this or that along the way.
If you are a man reading this who feels that is not you, then congratulations on being a rarity in the pool of many, but MORE OFTEN THAN NOT men are focused on what is important to their end goals and it JUST SO HAPPENS to benefit their significant other. They make time when it is relevant for them to focus on mutual goals. Those capable of more my hat and the hat of many go off to you... because you good sir are not the norm -- pat yourself on the back.
Shout out to the awesome men who get it and actually exist in the space of having their goals and recognizing that mutual goals are just as important and should be focused on just as vigorously. That is how you show you can be trusted.
Consistency, discipline, and focus are just some of the BARE MINIMUM things needed so that when there is something that goes wrong it's not a swarm of emotions hurled your way by your lady after your oh so very long and hard days. She will be there to talk to, talk with, talk through how to recalibrate the balance of things TOGETHER.
Different roles, yes, but it's supposed to be about PARTNERSHIP.
And many of us are commenting on these things as UNMARRIED people, but I understand that at the end of the day all the scenarios in the world don't equate to real life relationships and real life marital needs.
You want a real one, then be a real one.
And recognize that God (or whoever your higher power is for you) yourself and your significant other take on the challenges of the world together; and if you're married the challenges of the world together FOREVER.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be arguing over roles and not just finding areas of compromise and sacrifice for love to continue -- with balance of course because no one should have to lose themselves for love.
It is lazy to just not want to change without examining is it truly a deal breaker to make this change or these changes, or is it just uncomfortable?
And so like a child -- since we keep throwing the word "emotional" around and relating it to children -- masculine emotional moments show up as stubborn refusal -- and dare I say condescension enters the chat.
We all have roles that go beyond even femininity and masculinity, but we adjust to make life work.
So why are people so against bringing that same adjustable and healthy compromising energy to the life you're building with someone you love?
So you can be right, so you can feel above?
On both sides of that coin that is sad to see, whether it's men or women.
Love is not game of win or lose.It is an opportunity to emotionally mature and win together.
Growing in love not one upping each other in love.
You "won" a battle great but what do you really win when your partner feels jaded or less than seen in a situation where a little compromise could have set the discord right.
People who can't change for the opportunity of love need to just be with people just like them so they can never be challenged and be revolvers instead of "evolvers."
So they can spend their lifetime never being challenged, which only leads to areas of stagnation even when there is outward success...ANYWAY..
Women are also rarely perfect especially when in imperfect situations. The world we live in right now is very much giving : Men who want a wife, but are not well-versed or willing to elevate to the level of being a husband.
Hell often times not even elevate to being a good significant other.The world has fed that women need to change and accommodate without spending as much energy into helping men understand their role outside of PROVIDING.
If there are still men who only think that is how to call yourself a man then the point of connecting with someone is being missed.
A woman who loves you wants to be your peace and your place to let your guard down safely... and newsflash you're allowed to have emotions too... so all this women are emotional is over-exaggerated.
Humans have emotions and can express emotions since "emotional" carries this stigma of child-like behavior.
Women -- emotionally mature women can express themselves without tantrums which is what "emotional" is usually associated with while being associated with women. It has overshadowed the word emotion as a human trait natural to both men AND women.
Women have the bravery to express themselves while men either through social lessons or just personal assumption think it's masculine to bottle them up all the time until it erupts as disease (DIS EASE) or something worse emotionally.
Wanting to see a person elevate into a greater version of themselves understanding that some things (and people) need to be left behind -- is not the same as changing them.A woman who has a man who is CONSISTENT can be a source of peace because the CONSISTENCY is creating an environment that she also can feel peace in...
I get that there is femininity and masculinity but to be human is to have a the essence of both. Just not equally.
If femininity isn't LOGICAL but men say logical women are peaceful women.... but also are saying they don't want their women to be masculine...does not go with the "roles."No one wants to change but if "roles" are going to be a hard line then it REQUIRES change so that there can be a symbiotic relationship.
Too often men expect all the adherence and change to happen to accommodate them and are only willing to adjust if it is within their comfort zone.
The long story short is women and men are different, if the person you love isn't loving you enough to make adjustments for the relationship to work...
If you're not enough King... let her find out what more really looks like when you're gone.If you are too much queen...let him find out what the peace of "less" actually looks like.
Final Thoughts
True love isn't found by adhering rigidly to outdated roles, but by fostering flexibility, emotional maturity, and meaningful compromise. Love is a dynamic journey, requiring constant growth, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt and evolve together. Remember, the strength of a relationship doesn't lie in perfection but in consistent, genuine effort and understanding. Commit to building unity, embracing authenticity, and cultivating a partnership based on true equality and mutual support.
SELAH—Think About It.
Understanding the nuances of love languages can profoundly enhance relationship dynamics. This latest post about relationships delves into fostering genuine partnerships through flexibility, emotional maturity, and mutual respect. For a complementary perspective on effectively expressing love and common pitfalls to avoid, explore this insightful article: How to Love and What to Avoid.
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